Mother’s Day is hard for me. All I want to do is stay home and avoid the world because there are too many reminders of what I don’t have: a child of my own. I rarely wish mothers a happy day for too often it’s been responded with “Thanks! You too.” I’m convinced that is what it feels like to be hit by a bullet. For years I’ve struggled with doubting God and not believing He wanted what’s best for me; because if He knew my pain and saw my tears, he would give me what I want.
During a study called Believing God by Beth Moore, a chapter came up about passing a spiritual legacy to our children, and I seriously thought about skipping it. I didn’t and she talked about childless woman having a responsibility to pass a spiritual legacy to any children in their lives. I read for the first time Isaiah 54:1:
“Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD.
Women who do not have children of their own will still be surrounded by children over who they can have influence. Children with childless aunts and uncles tend to have close relationships because of the special attention they receive. I have seen this in my own life. God has provided me with eight nieces and nephews, and two more on the way. I’m so thankful for them and each has been a blessing to me.
I’m reminded of my grandma who recently passed away. My sisters and I spent most weekends at grandma’s house and it wasn’t because we had to, we wanted to. I would stay up late with her watching TV while working on our latest project of needle point, cross stitch, or latch hook, and eating nachos with cheese. One year she helped me to make the Christmas presents I would give to my parents and sisters. Her legacy to me is one of love, generosity, and giving of her time. Since I may never be a grandma, my desire is to pass on that spirit to my nieces and nephews.
Over the years, with God’s help, this scar in my life has gotten easier. I know that for the rest of my life part of me will always be sad but, I’m learning to trust God again; that no matter how I feel, He is here with me and will help me through the difficult times. And during those sad times, I can take comfort in God’s words in Jeremiah 29:11:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I am so sorry that you have that heartache, Steph. I think you are amazing! Thank you for being open and honest and thank you for finding a healthy perspective. I only wish my girls' aunt would invest in them the way you clearly invest in your nieces and nephews. I'm also grateful that my church family will have a positive influence on my girls as well. Thanks for being part of that family!
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