Why I Run

I’ve been running for 5 years, during which time I have both loved it and endured it.  Running has brought the most pain I have ever experienced but, it has also been the most rewarding. There were times during a race where I’ve asked myself, “why am I doing this?”, but then I crossed the finish line exhilarated and thought about training for the next one. So, why do I do it?

I run so I can eat. I love pizza. I can eat it a couple times a week if my husband let me. I like frozen pizzas from Totino’s , Red Baron, and Jacks. I like to order it from Rosatis, Giordanos, and Pizza Hut. I also love chocolate, Dove chocolate to be specific. Bring me a bag of Dove Peanut Butter chocolate, and I’ll be your BFF.

I run because I never thought I could. I was never an athletic person but, running has improved my self-esteem and helped me find my inner athlete. Each run I strive to see what I can push my body to accomplish. There is hard work, pain, sweat, and time commitment. But the sense of accomplishment from crossing the finish line, or setting a new PR, or going a new distance, is indescribable. I never thought I was capable of running one mile, but this past winter, I finished 26.2 miles in a marathon.

I run to clear my head. I used to listen to my iPod while I ran; I needed the distraction and it helped the runs to go by faster. Somewhere along the way, this stopped. I listen to the sounds of nature, and it calms me. I think about what is going on in my life, and I pray. All the stressful emotions and crappy food I ate melt away as I sweat out all the junk.

I run because it teaches endurance. I have run far enough that my legs hurt, my feet got blisters, two of my toenails turned black, and I had to use body glide for the first time in my life. I pushed through the pain and reached points of exhaustion I didn’t know was possible. Suddenly your perspective changes and what used to be difficult, is not difficult anymore (I remember when running a 5k hurt my legs for days).   

I run because there were times I couldn’t. Over the last 2 years, I have experienced injury and illness that has kept me sidelined for months at a time. I missed running during these times and couldn’t wait to get back to it. I learned that I never wanted to take running for granted again. I am thankful to be running again, and I don’t care what my pace is, or how far I can go. I’m just grateful to God that I can run.

Trusting God

Mother’s Day is hard for me. All I want to do is stay home and avoid the world because there are too many reminders of what I don’t have: a child of my own. I rarely wish mothers a happy day for too often it’s been responded with “Thanks! You too.”  I’m convinced that is what it feels like to be hit by a bullet. For years I’ve struggled with doubting God and not believing He wanted what’s best for me; because if He knew my pain and saw my tears, he would give me what I want. 

During a study called Believing God by Beth Moore, a chapter came up about passing a spiritual legacy to our children, and I seriously thought about skipping it. I didn’t and she talked about childless woman having a responsibility to pass a spiritual legacy to any children in their lives. I read for the first time Isaiah 54:1:

“Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD.

Women who do not have children of their own will still be surrounded by children over who they can have influence. Children with childless aunts and uncles tend to have close relationships because of the special attention they receive. I have seen this in my own life. God has provided me with eight nieces and nephews, and two more on the way. I’m so thankful for them and each has been a blessing to me.

I’m reminded of my grandma who recently passed away. My sisters and I spent most weekends at grandma’s house and it wasn’t because we had to, we wanted to. I would stay up late with her watching TV while working on our latest project of needle point, cross stitch, or latch hook, and eating nachos with cheese. One year she helped me to make the Christmas presents I would give to my parents and sisters. Her legacy to me is one of love, generosity, and giving of her time. Since I may never be a grandma, my desire is to pass on that spirit to my nieces and nephews.

Over the years, with God’s help, this scar in my life has gotten easier. I know that for the rest of my life part of me will always be sad but, I’m learning to trust God again; that no matter how I feel, He is here with me and will help me through the difficult times. And during those sad times, I can take comfort in God’s words in Jeremiah 29:11:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”